HOW WE MOP THE MAP

HOW WE MOP THE MAP
(To the tune of “What I Did for Love” by Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban from Broadway musical “A Chorus Line.”)

Kiss your seat goodbye
It’s time to reapportion
Bleach your District lily white
Carve it to the right
How we mop the map
How we mop the map

No, I can’t deny
It’s all a sly contortion
Done with a Houdini psych
Rope-in the votes we like
How we mop the map
How we mop the map

Stop
Urge the fairness cops
As our re-district mops
Slop on thick protection

You gave it a good try
For a fair election
But fairness is a loser’s prop
It’s a wrap, we’ve the app
How we mop the map
How we mop the map

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

KICKING THE CAN ON DOWN THE ROAD

KICKING THE CAN ON DOWN THE ROAD
(To tune of “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” by Burt Bacharach and Hal David)

Kicking the can on down the road
When responsibility becomes a heavy load
Congress won’t decide
They just kick that old can again a little bit further

Because, to make a decision takes a stand
And taking a stand in an election year is banned
Campaign suicide
So, they just kick that old can again a little bit further

But surely they all know
They’re putting on a show there
And we know here
A country kicking cans is heading nowhere

For kicking the can on down the road
Is just like the hopping of a narrow-minded toad
Feeling satisfied
But toads never make it to the end of a long road
Your feet are free
Kick them out of DC

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

OH WHAT A SUPER COMMITTEE

OH WHAT A SUPER COMMITTEE
(To tune,  “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” by Rodgers and Hammerstein from Broadway musical “Oklahoma.”)

Oh what a super committee
Huddled are twelve angry men
They’ll be run out of the city
If there is a stalemate again

The Republicans want to cut spending
To see Social Security ending
The Democrats counter
And bait and then switch
To reprise a proposal
For taxing the rich

Oh what a super committee
Oh what a sorry idea
Showing the voters no pity
Not this committee, this year
So much for holiday cheer

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

 

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO
(To tune of, “It Ain’t Necessarily So,” by George and Ira Gershwin from the American folk opera, “Porgy and Bess.”)

Verses
Leather Mitt can’t commit yes or no
Leather Mitt can’t commit yes or no
He says he’ll cut taxes
But people the facts is
It’s ain’t necessarily so

Squirming Herm says he just doesn’t know
Canny Cain claims he just doesn’t know
Whom his hands were petting
He’s good at forgetting
The names of the dames who’d said whoa.

Chorus
And we’re stuck
With the pick of them
The rank oil slick of them
God we’re sick of them
All of them

Additional verses
Cute Newt is a hoot of a show
That Ole Newt is a hoot of a show
You say Mister Gingrich
Speaks straight in plain English
But it ain’t necessarily so.

Michelle Bachman, her eyes have a glow
Hair gel Bachman, her eyes have a glow
She claims she hears Jesus
Then swears to appease us
It ain’t necessarily so

Repeat chorus

Additional verses
Rick Perry’s a merry follow
Slick Perry’s a merry fellow
He tells us elect him
But just don’t expect him
To remember what he should know

Obama’s a vote gigolo
Oh the Pres is a vote gigolo
He ran as a changer
But change is a stranger
In a partisan imbroglio

I’m sharing these verses to show
Like Larry and Curly and Moe*
When candidates say so and so
It ain’t necessarily so

* The infamous Three Stooges.
Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

YOU CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY

YOU CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY
(To tune of “They Can’t Take that Away” by George and Ira Gershwin)

Intro

There’ve been many goodies added to the tax code as it grew
Here are some that we’ve become addicted to

Verses

The 401 sub (k)
The corporate R&D
You want to take away?

No, no, you can’t take that away from me.

Home mortgage interest prized
By every family
Think of that home downsized
No, no, you can’t take that away from me

Bridge

We can’t solve the budgetary crisis
We’ve grown wary of
Lest we all give up some tax breaks dearly loved

 Verses

My contributions for
The art of Johns or Klee
Allowed not any more?
No, no, you can’t take that away from me.

The rate on long-term gains
Health benefits tax-free
The lobbyist complains
No, no, you can’t take that away from me

You can’t take that away
More campaign cash I’ll pay
You can’t take that away from me.

 Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved
Originally published in American Bar Association, Section of Taxation, News-Quarterly, “Tax Bites,” (Summer, 2011).

THAT’S WHY THE MIDDLE CLASS HAS CRAMPS

THAT’S WHY THE MIDDLE CLASS HAS CRAMPS
(To tune of “That’s Why the Lady is a Tramp,” by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart)

The rich own lobbies and lobbies buy votes
Candidate’s whinny like horses for oats
Media ad-cash determines the quotes
That’s why the middle class has cramps

“Money creates jobs,” those say who play god
“Give us your blessings we’ll spare you the rod”
Bankers kill hopes with a nay not a nod
That’s why the middle class has cramps

About that dream, a house with no debt
Brother forget
You’re hosed
Foreclosed

Our constitution that fine court revamps
That’s why the middle class has cramps

They told you work hard and you’d achieve
Fools who’d believe
No joke
We’re broke

No funds for college or kids’ summer camps
That’s why the middle class has cramps

Lyric © by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

LET’S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF

LET’S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF
(To tune of “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” by George and Ira Gershwin)

 Intro

Things have come to a great impasse
And the blame flies “tit for tat”
The Republicans want one thing
But the Democrats don’t want that
Oh I fear a sad end we’ll see
Will democracy fall flat?
This great nation born no longer one
Something must be done.

 Verses

You’d cut spending with budget axes
I’d trim spending and edge up taxes
Spending, taxes, budget axes
Let’s call whole thing off

I say public and you say private
You’d kill health care and I’d revive it
Public, private, kill re-vive it
Let’s call the whole thing off

 Bridge

But oh, if we call the whole thing off
Then we might start to think
And oh, given proper thought
We might do what we ought

 Verse

Cut big spending and raise some taxes
Stop pretending to grind no axes
Feed-up, knowing
To hell the country’s going,
The people call the politics off
Let’s call the whole thing off

 Lyric: © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
 All rights reserved
Previously published in American Bar Association, Section of Taxation News Quarterly, Tax Bits, Fall, 2011.

DANCING ON THE DEBT CEILING

DANCING ON THE DEBT CEILING
(To the tune of “Dancing on the Ceiling” by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart)

Raise the debt ceiling high
Like a raindrop from the sky
Evaporates
If one just waits

Debt will all disappear
When inflation shows up here
So press your luck
Pass the buck

They’d promised to conserve the dollar
For my vote
Now Congress hasn’t nerve to collar
Budget bloat

I love my mortgage more
No one pays one anymore
The new “all’s free –
Morality”

 Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire