THEY TOOK MY HOME IN SAN FRANCISCO

THEY TOOK MY HOME IN SAN FRANCISCO
(To tune of “I Left My Heart in San Francisco” by George Cory & Douglas Cross, recorded and made famous by Tony Bennett (Columbia Records, 1962)) 

They took my home in San Francisco
For taxes owed I didn’t pay
Been riding little cable cars
Because they took my cars
My bank accounts
Had large amounts
Now who counts?

I lived the life in San Francisco
Now from the bridge into the bay
I’ll jump, tell IRS
Keep San Francisco
I’ve filed my last return today

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
Previously appeared in American Bar Association Section of Taxation News Quarterly, Tax Bites, Summer 2012

BUYING THE WHITE HOUSE

Yesterday it was reported that the presidential candidates have already spent over $500 million. 

BUYING THE WHITE HOUSE
(To tune of “April in Paris” by Vernon Duke & E. Y. Harburg from the 1932 Broadway show “Walk a Little Faster”)                       )

Buying the White House
Like drunken sailors
Spending on trailers
Heavy with spin

Buying the White House
Lies in all flavors
Promising favors
If they’d get in

Elections used to have a theme
Issues brought to real debates
Now ad-men in the backrooms stream
Talking points for candidates

It’s buying the White House
Borrow from friends more
Cause whoever spends more
Will win

Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

THE CANDIDATES’ DEBATE SONG

The presidential debates will soon be upon us.  This post is not intended to stand for or against either candidate.  Rather, it is a statement about the shallowness of the campaign, the disingenuous jibe, the lack of content in the debate and the contempt expressed in this fashion for the intelligence of the American voter.  The debates will more or less follow this script.  It begins with the candidates statements and counter statements.  As it progresses, the script deviates to not what they will say, but what we will hear.

THE CANDIDATES’ DEBATE SONG
(To tune of, “I can Do Anything Better than you Can,” by Irving Berlin, from 1946 Broadway Musical, “Annie Get Your Gun.)

The candidates:
Governor Romney (Gov)
President Obama (Pres)

Verses:
Gov: I can create jobs much better than you can
…I can create jobs much better than you
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can, yes I can!

Pres: I can kill terrorists deader than you can
…I can kill terrorists deader than you
Gov: No you can’t
Pres:  Yes I can
Gov: No you can’t
Pres: Yes I can, yes I can!

Bridge:
Gov: I can trim the budget, or, if not, I’ll fudge it
Pres:  With most left less healthy, and the few more wealthy?
Gov:  It will trickle down
…to the farm and town
Pres:  In debts,
…for the middle class to drown

Verses:
Gov: I can raise twice-as-much money as you can
… I can raise twice-as-much money as you
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can, yes I can!

Pres: I can use super Pacs meaner than you can
… I can use super Pacs meaner than you
Gov: No you can’t
Pres: Yes, I can
Gov: No you can’t
Pres: Yes I can, yes I can!

Bridge:
Gov: I can keep a secret, when I need to keep it
Pres:  That sounds rather creepy, folks had better keep me
Gov:  Laugh now, I’ll be in your house
Pres:  Will you paint it green?
Gov: Why not?
Pres:  In cash from Bain, you mean? 

Verses:
Gov: I can distort so much better than you can
…I can distort so much better than you
Pres: No, you can’t
Gov: Yes, I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can, yes I can!

Gov: I’m the most well-financed candidate, I am
…Am I well qualified, haven’t a clue
Pres: not a clue?
Gov: Not one clue
Pres:  Not a clue?
Gov: Same as you, same as you!

Bridge:

Gov: I’d invade Iraq
Pres: Ah, we’ve been there and back
Gov:  Then I’ll bomb Damascus
Pres: You mean, if they ask us?
Gov: I would do anything
Pres:  Would you help the poor?
Gov:  Not that
Pres:  Well, of least of that you’re sure

Verses:
Pres:  I can blame congress much better than you can
…I can blame congress much better than you
Gov: That’s untrue
Pres: It is true
Gov:  That’s untrue
Pres: It is true, it is true!

 Gov: I can please lobbyists faster than you can
…I can please lobbyists faster than you.
Pres: No you can’t
Gov:  Yes I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov:  Yes I can. Yes I can!

Together:  Can we do that? You can bet your vote we can! 

 Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

A COUNTRY THAT WORSHIPS THE GUN

A COUNTRY THAT WORSHIPS THE GUN
(To tune of “You Can’t Get a Man with a Gun,” by Irving Berlin, from Broadway Musical “Annie Get Your Gun.”)

Say It’s your right, that’s freedom
But tell me why you need ‘em?
All those Glocks aren’t free when done
Mourning folks go on paying
For gravestones that need laying
In a country that worships the gun

What’s feels godly or pleasant?
‘Bout killing a poor pheasant
As it climbs skyward towards the sun
Oh, the hunt’s very sporting
When the bird is not retorting
In a country that worships the gun

The sun beats, a hot one
Some moron loads a shotgun
On a dog day of summer, run!
From Oak Creek to Aurora
Could the logic here be poorer?
In a country that worships the gun

Love the gun, Love the gun
No one feels he’s a man with no gun
Love the gun, love the gun
In a country that worships the gun

A gun, handy when rural
On a city street’s immoral
Where a shooting is drive by fun
But they’re happy I’m guessin’
On the board at Smith & Wesson
In a country that worships the gun

And while one cannot stifle
A nut holding a rifle
And a grudge heavy as one ton
Though the devil hath charmed him
In the name of G-d, who’s armed him?
Just a country that worships the gun

Love the gun, love the gun
No one feels he’s a man with no gun
Love the gun, love the gun
In a country that worships the gun

In some states it’s no harder
Than acquiring bottled water
Want to buy ammunition son?
Whereby folks ordinary
Pack arms quite military
In a country that worships the gun

Much more than a hobby
The money-rich gun lobby
Touting sales, many a billion
Sloughs off loss everyone saw
Opposing every gun law
In a country that worships the gun

Love the gun, love the gun
No one feels he’s man with no gun
Love the gun, love the gun
In a country that worships the gun

Though the Second Amendment
Our high Court deems ascendant
There are standing militias none
Therefore citizens voting
Can attend the polls now toting
In a country that worships the gun

Mean on-screen chilling violence
And movie mogul silence,
There’s a crime that should be undone
What country says prayers, while it stares, through the crosshairs?
A country that worships the gun

Love the gun, love the gun
No one feels he’s a man with no gun
Love the gun, love the gun
In a country that worships the gun

Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved