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THE CANDIDATES’ DEBATE SONG

The presidential debates will soon be upon us.  This post is not intended to stand for or against either candidate.  Rather, it is a statement about the shallowness of the campaign, the disingenuous jibe, the lack of content in the debate and the contempt expressed in this fashion for the intelligence of the American voter.  The debates will more or less follow this script.  It begins with the candidates statements and counter statements.  As it progresses, the script deviates to not what they will say, but what we will hear.

THE CANDIDATES’ DEBATE SONG
(To tune of, “I can Do Anything Better than you Can,” by Irving Berlin, from 1946 Broadway Musical, “Annie Get Your Gun.)

The candidates:
Governor Romney (Gov)
President Obama (Pres)

Verses:
Gov: I can create jobs much better than you can
…I can create jobs much better than you
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can, yes I can!

Pres: I can kill terrorists deader than you can
…I can kill terrorists deader than you
Gov: No you can’t
Pres:  Yes I can
Gov: No you can’t
Pres: Yes I can, yes I can!

Bridge:
Gov: I can trim the budget, or, if not, I’ll fudge it
Pres:  With most left less healthy, and the few more wealthy?
Gov:  It will trickle down
…to the farm and town
Pres:  In debts,
…for the middle class to drown

Verses:
Gov: I can raise twice-as-much money as you can
… I can raise twice-as-much money as you
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can, yes I can!

Pres: I can use super Pacs meaner than you can
… I can use super Pacs meaner than you
Gov: No you can’t
Pres: Yes, I can
Gov: No you can’t
Pres: Yes I can, yes I can!

Bridge:
Gov: I can keep a secret, when I need to keep it
Pres:  That sounds rather creepy, folks had better keep me
Gov:  Laugh now, I’ll be in your house
Pres:  Will you paint it green?
Gov: Why not?
Pres:  In cash from Bain, you mean? 

Verses:
Gov: I can distort so much better than you can
…I can distort so much better than you
Pres: No, you can’t
Gov: Yes, I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov: Yes I can, yes I can!

Gov: I’m the most well-financed candidate, I am
…Am I well qualified, haven’t a clue
Pres: not a clue?
Gov: Not one clue
Pres:  Not a clue?
Gov: Same as you, same as you!

Bridge:

Gov: I’d invade Iraq
Pres: Ah, we’ve been there and back
Gov:  Then I’ll bomb Damascus
Pres: You mean, if they ask us?
Gov: I would do anything
Pres:  Would you help the poor?
Gov:  Not that
Pres:  Well, of least of that you’re sure

Verses:
Pres:  I can blame congress much better than you can
…I can blame congress much better than you
Gov: That’s untrue
Pres: It is true
Gov:  That’s untrue
Pres: It is true, it is true!

 Gov: I can please lobbyists faster than you can
…I can please lobbyists faster than you.
Pres: No you can’t
Gov:  Yes I can
Pres: No you can’t
Gov:  Yes I can. Yes I can!

Together:  Can we do that? You can bet your vote we can! 

 Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

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