THAT’S WHY NOVEMBER GIVES ME CRAMPS

THAT’S WHY NOVEMBER GIVES ME CRAMPS
(To the tune of “That’s Why the Lady is a Tramp,” by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart).

Trump is immodest, he’s all he’s about.
Wall Street on Clinton has far too much clout.
Punching your ballot, you’ll vote with a pout.
That’s why November gives me cramps.

At least Obama was honest and smart.
He made mistakes but made them with his heart.
These two turn hypocrisy into art.
That’s why November gives me cramps

Oh God please send, John Kennedy back
He had a knack, with words.
What turds!

Loathe both the Donkey and Elephant camps.
That’s why November gives me cramps.

Reprise

Trump is bombastic, he bellows and rants
Often he blunders, but never recants
Clinton’s a lady, but she wears the pants.
That’s why November gives me cramps.

Trump’s kid Ivanka is lovely to see
Chelsea’s a mother, as sweet as can be.
I’d be less vexed by their candidacy.
That’s why November gives me cramps

The one we vote for, we should admire.
One who’d inspire.
Be proud.
Not loud.

Loathe both the Donkey and Elephant camps.
That’s why November gives me cramps.

 

Lyric © 2016 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esq.
All rights reserved

 

THAT’S WHY I NEEDED PENCE

THAT’S WHY I NEEDED PENCE
(To the tune of “Teenager in Love,” by Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman as recorded by Dion and the Belmonts in 1959).

Pence is conservative too
Sure glad he’s by my side.
Though he will have to live through
My ego-Trumping tide.
I’ve mush for brains and I lack common sense.
I’m just a Putz, that’s why I needed Pence.

Pence is against abortion.
But not against the gun.
Explaining with contortions
Why he’s the lucky one.
I’ve mush for brains, and I lack common sense.
I’m just a Putz, that’s why I needed Pence.

I’m disconnected
An SOB.
Pence is accepted
By the GOP.

And so he’s been selected
To serve as my VP
And should I get elected
Then he can serve me tea.
I’ve mush for brains, and I lack common sense.
I’m just a Putz, that’s why I needed Pence.

Reprise
Pence is from Indiana.
The Midwest, not the South.
I slip on a banana
With each word from my mouth.
The GOP is hesitant and tense
Cause I’m a Putz, that’s why I needed Pence.

Lyric Copyright 2016 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

WELCOME TO ABSURDUM

WELCOME TO ABSURDUM
(To original melody)

Welcome to Absurdum
A place they used to call America.
And if you’re coming to the USA
Best pack a bullet-proof vest.
All the crazies live here.
Loaded guns everywhere.
So you’d better steer clear.
God bless America.

Welcome to Absurdum
Now look who’s vying to be president.
An egomaniac with a coif.
A lady who wants to wear the pants.
Soon the crazies will vote.
“Open-carry” promote.
Privacy’s in the moat.
Liberty’s a game of chance.

Welcome to Absurdum
A place they used to call America.
Honest Abe’s restless grave.
Sees us fooled all the time.
Oligarchs plot and rule.
Lobbyists selling mule.
Try to live on a dime.
God bless America.

© 2016 By Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

CONGRESS WISHES YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS (2014)

CONGRESS WISHES YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS (2014)
(To tune of “Have Yourself a Very Merry Christmas” by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane, as performed by Judy Garland in film, “Meet Me in Saint Louis.”)

Congress wishes you a Merry Christmas
With a last Hurrah!
Sounds familiar: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah!

Congress wishes you a Merry Christmas
What a spending bill.
Stuffed with so much pork it’s smelling like road-kill.

Tis the season of merriment
To the Senate send some elves
And to the house where smug members rent
Seats and represent themselves.

Next year we will have another congress.
An angry one, and-how!
We may come to wish for this pathetic sow
And Congress wishes you a Merry Christmas now.

Reprise
Congress wishes you a Merry Christmas.
Isn’t Chutzpah bold?
They’ve upped campaign funding limits by ten-fold.

Why three-cheers for the candidates?
In all fifty states? What for?
Millionaires have selected them.
And elected them. What’s more –

Next year we will have another congress.
A better one? No – how!
We may come to wish for this pathetic sow
Your congress wishes you a Merry Christmas now.

Lyric © 2014 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

IVE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO DISGRACE

IVE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO DISGRACE
(To tune of, “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Your Face,” by Alan Jay Lerner & Frederick Loewe, from the 1956 Broadway Show and 1964 film “My Fair Lady)

I’ve grown accustomed to disgrace
from what is broken in DC.
I’ve grown accustomed to the noise
of politics, the ploys,
No highs, just lows.
Embarrassing, but shows

Are what’s expected up there now
Can one respect dishonesty?
Who had declared our independence
were extraordinary men.
Sorely we could use a
Thomas Jefferson again.

But he is nowhere in that place.
There’s none like him around.
So, I’m accustomed to disgrace.

Lyric © 2014 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved.

KICKING THE CAN ON DOWN THE ROAD – 2014

Were congress a car it would have only one gear – political overdrive – no neutral, no reverse, and certainly no work-on-governing drive. With mid-term elections looming near and 2016 positioning already begun, congress is in lock-down.  Immigration reform, tax reform and other serious issues languish while our glorious constitutional institution kicks the can on down the road some more.  I’m republishing a 2011 post, with minor editing changes, to show how some things never change.

KICKING THE CAN ON DOWN THE ROAD
(To tune of “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” by Burt Bacharach and Hal David)

Kicking the can on down the road
When responsibility becomes a heavy load
Congress won’t decide
They just kick that old can again a little bit further

Because, to make a decision takes a stand
And taking a stand in an election year is banned
Campaign suicide
So, they just kick that old can again a little bit further

But they must surely know
They’re putting on a show there
And we know here
A country kicking cans is heading nowhere

Because, kicking the can on down the road
Is just like the hopping of a narrow-minded toad
Feeling satisfied
But toads never make it to the end of a long road
Your feet are free
Kick them out of DC

Lyric © 2011, 2014 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

 

CHUTZPAH

CHUTZPAH
(To tune of “High Hopes,” by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, and popularized by Frank Sinatra)

Once there was a senator who
Thought he’d make a financial coup
Had a relative he knew
Owned an energy plant
And he had Chutzpah
He had Chutzpah
Nerve, unreserved
Fervent Chutzpah
Chairs on a swell committee,
He’s sitting pretty
He deigns who can and who can’t
Oops, there goes another government grant
Oops, there goes another government grant
Oops, there goes another government grant

We’ve all known a congressman said
That he’d voted no when instead
He was off with a red-head
Let him dare to deny
But he has Chutzpah
He has Chutzpah
He has gall, buildings tall
We call Chutzpah
So when he’s in a corner
Think he’s a goner
No way, and here is the why
Oops, here comes another Washington lie
Oops, here comes another Washington lie
Oops, here comes another Washington lie

Reprise:

When it’s half-truths their telling you
Poop their selling you
Need I further explain?
Oops, there goes another vote down the drain
Oops, there goes another vote down the drain
Oops, there goes another vote down the drain

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO CHANGE THE CREW

I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO CHANGE THE CREW
(to the tune of “I Guess I’ll Have to Change My Plan” by Arthur Schwartz and Howard Dietz from the 1953 MGM musical film “The Band Wagon” featuring Fred Astaire.)  

I guess we’ll have to change the crew
Those at the helm, have overwhelmingly, no clue
They’re loading for another broadside
When there’s a perfect storm near due.

We’re sailing on a leaky boat
And we could founder and go down, to stay afloat,
We’ve got to stow this rancor fouling D.C.
Set a course for some sanity.

By now you’ve caught the drift, my view
Throw overboard the whole damn crew.

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

OH WHAT A SUPER COMMITTEE

OH WHAT A SUPER COMMITTEE
(To tune,  “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” by Rodgers and Hammerstein from Broadway musical “Oklahoma.”)

Oh what a super committee
Huddled are twelve angry men
They’ll be run out of the city
If there is a stalemate again

The Republicans want to cut spending
To see Social Security ending
The Democrats counter
And bait and then switch
To reprise a proposal
For taxing the rich

Oh what a super committee
Oh what a sorry idea
Showing the voters no pity
Not this committee, this year
So much for holiday cheer

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved