IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE TAX TIME

IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE TAX TIME
(To tune of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” by Meredith Willson (1951))

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time
April of the year
You’ve been scouring your checkbook for
Some charity checks and more
Taxes on the homestead you love dear

It’s beginning to feel lot like tax time
Must they ruin the spring?
Feel afraid of the debt you’ll owe
Afraid Uncle Sam will know
That you have not reported everything

Deduct for the family trip, even the wine that you sip
Claiming everything that you spend or do or use
Driven miles on the family car, no matter to where or how far
Self-assessment clouds the mind like booze
And those who face an audit jam the pews

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time
Moral codes eschew
Who’s to prevent you if, you take off for a nifty skiff?
And sail away across the ocean blue

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time
Bribe your CPA
Stick a pin in a voodoo doll, take a loan from your uncle Sol
Then file your tax return and pray

Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

 

MISTER TAX INSPECTOR

By now most Americans will have filed 2013 income tax returns. The anxiety about filing, having passed, turns into worry over the daily mail. Will the postman deliver a dreaded IRS letter stating that you have been selected for an audit? You might then feel like this.

 MISTER TAX INSPECTOR
(To tune of, “Fascinating Rhythm,” by George and Ira Gershwin)

Mister Tax Inspector
You’ve got me really scared
Mister Tax Inspector
I’m in a flurry.
When I read your letter
I was not prepared
Can you do nothing better?
Than cause me worry?

Each year I file my taxes on time.
(Never late, I’m never late)
Feeling like I’ve committed some crime
I wonder,

Could I be mistaken?
To fear you so?
Will I be forsaken?
Will good luck fail me?
If I have finagled
You’re sure to know.
Can you be inveigled?
Or will you jail me?

I thought that self- assessment meant
I’m on my own.
Mister Tax Inspector
Won’t you please leave me alone?

Reprise:
Mister Tax Inspector
I feel abused.
Why am I selected?
Out of the millions?
Why’d you even bother?
I’m so confused.
Say you wouldn’t rather?
Hunt those with billions?

I thought that self-assessment meant
I’m on my own.
Mister Tax Inspector
Won’t you please leave me alone.

Lyric © 2014 by Robert S .Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

WHEN THE TAXMAN COMES ALONG

This post continues with the theme of the worry that accompanies filing tax returns in the U.S.

WHEN THE TAXMAN COMES ALONG
(To tune of, “The Man That Got Away,” by Harold Arlen and Ira Gershwin from 1954 movie “A Star is Born.)

Verses:
The tax man’s coming
He’s whistling and humming
In fear you shiver
He’ll send you up the river
It always happens
When the taxman comes along

No more that savior faire
That attitude, “Why care?”
Deductions from thin-air
Don’t belong

The tax preparer
Who was your secret-sharer,
Has all the papers
That document your capers
He’ll be the witness,
The one who gets you jailed

No more big-ego thrills
From lowering tax bills
Sly shelters from the fraud mills
Have all failed

Bridge:
Good lessons come hard
And the hardest one you’re learning
That fools keep the wheels
Of justice turning

Verse:
The trial is over
So ends a life in clover
You’re no short-termer
The sentence was much firmer
What cash you’d hidden
Bid good-bye, goes the song

 Since the first tax-law was passed
There’s been no one more aghast
Than a scared tax-cheater
When the taxman comes along

Lyric © 2013 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TAX RETURN YOU FILE

As the deadline draws near for filing extended 2011 personal tax returns, I thought an admonition appropriate.

WATCH THE TAX RETURN YOU FILE
(To tune of “What a Difference a Day Made,” by Maria Mendes Grever and Stanley Adams, made famous by singer Dinah Washington)

Watch the tax return you file
Watch what you put inside it
You’ve earned income, don’t hide it
Report every line true
I’m warning you

Think that big windfall you’ll shelter?
That tax law’s helter-skelter?
Think again, you will swelter
In the heat of a jam
A tax exam

Will happen, then you
May find grief to your menu
Watch the tax return you file
Because, they’re watching you

 Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved