PUT A BUCK IN YOUR POCKET, AND GIVE ONE TO UNCLE SAM – 2015

Here’s  a repeat of my April 15th anthem to all tax filing procrastinators who need a stiff drink before dropping their returns in the mailbox.

PUT A BUCK IN YOUR POCKET, AND GIVE ONE TO UNCLE SAM
(To the tune, “That’s One for My Baby, and One More For the Road,” by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer)

Set ‘em up Steve.
It’s April the fifteenth, tax filing eve.
I’ve got the form here,
But need a little booze, to loosen the fear.
For this line where it shows
how much one owes,
put me on edge, “damn!”
You put a buck in your pocket,
and give one, to Uncle Sam

Now don’t get me wrong.
All my patriotic feelings run strong.
The fervor feels nice.
But wish that could feel it, for half of the price.
It’s like you’d offer a meal.
But not if you feel
they would hog the whole ham.
You put a buck in your pocket
and give one to Uncle Sam.

Where’s it all going?
The government keeps growing.
It just grows and it grows.
We keep on sowing.
Without ever knowing
where it all goes.

Well that does it Steve.
The post office is closing, so I’ve got to leave.
Thanks for the cheer.
I probably will see you, this time next year.
That is, assuming that I’m
not serving some time,
If I get in a tax jam.
Put a buck in my pocket
and give none to Uncle Sam.

You put a buck in your pocket,
and good luck with Uncle Sam.

Lyric © 2013, 2014, 2015  by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE TAX TIME – 2015

 

IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE TAX TIME
(To tune of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” by Meredith Willson (1951))

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time.
April of the year.
You’ve been scouring your checkbook for –
some charity checks and more –
the taxes on the homestead you love dear.

It’s beginning to feel lot like tax time.
Must they ruin the spring?
Feel afraid of the debt you’ll owe.
Afraid Uncle Sam will know
that you have not reported everything.

Deduct for that family trip, even the wine that you sip.
Claiming everything that you spend or do or use.
Driven miles on the family car, no matter to where or how far.
Self-assessment clouds the mind like booze.
And those who face an audit jam the pews.

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time.
Moral codes eschew.
Who’s to prevent you if,
you take off for a nifty skiff,
sailing off across the ocean blue?

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time.
Bribe your CPA.
Stick a pin in a voodoo doll.
Take a loan from your uncle Sol.
Then file your tax return and pray.

Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved.

PUT A BUCK IN YOUR POCKET, AND GIVE ONE TO UNCLE SAM

And here’s another repeat of my April 15th anthem to all tax filing procrastinators who need a stiff drink before dropping their returns in the mailbox.

PUT A BUCK IN YOUR POCKET, AND GIVE ONE TO UNCLE SAM
(To the tune, “That’s One for My Baby, and One More For the Road,” by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer)

Set ‘em up Steve
It’s April the fifteenth, tax filing eve
I’ve got the form here
And need a little booze to loosen the fear
For this line where it shows
How much one owes
Put me on edge, “damn!”
You put a buck in your pocket,
And give one to Uncle Sam

Now don’t get me wrong
All my patriotic feelings run strong
The fervor feels nice
But wish that could feel it
For half of the price
It’s like you’d offer a meal
But not if you feel
They would hog the whole ham
You put a buck in your pocket
And give one to Uncle Sam

Where’s it all going?
The government keeps growing
It just grows and it grows
We keep on sowing
Without ever knowing
Where it all goes

Well that does it Steve
The post office is closing
So I’ve got to leave
Thanks for the cheer
I probably will see you
This time next year
That is, assuming that I’m
Not serving some time
If I get in a tax jam
Put a buck in my pocket
And give none to Uncle Sam.

You put a buck in your pocket
And good luck with Uncle Sam

Lyric © 2013, 2014 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

 

WE’RE DRINKING TO A BIG REFUND

Here’s a repeat of another tax season favorite.

WE’RE DRINKING TO A BIG REFUND
(To tune of, “White Christmas,” by Irving Berlin)

We’re drinking to a big refund
Just like the ones we had last year
Been through tax instructions
Need large deductions
A tax return to bring good cheer

We’re drinking to a big refund
Just gave our CPAs the gig
Here’s to Fate and Fortune, a swig
Now may all our tax refunds be big.

We’re drinking to a big refund
To pay off credit cards we owe
After year-long spending
Sales never-ending
We need a miracle to show

We’re drinking to a big refund
One that won’t land us in the brig
Uncle Sam don’t be Captain Quigg
See that all our tax refunds are big

Lyric © 2013 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved.

 

 

 

GETTING TO KNOW YOU AT IRS

GETTING TO KNOW YOU AT IRS
(To tune of “Getting to Know You,” by Rodgers and Hammerstein, from Broadway musical “The King and I”).

Getting to know you,
Getting to know more about you.
Letting you know you,
Are in our view

Getting to know when,
You earn a nice fee or interest.
With a keen interest,
We’re watching you.

When you are filing,
Making you feel quite uneasy.
Doing it so you,
Pay more not less

Haven’t you noticed?
Everything you do is noticed.
We have computers, humming a wry song,
Tracking you in the tax throng,
At IRS

Lyric © 2011 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

TAXITIS BLUES

This post is dedicated to habitual non-filers who procrastinate and fail to submit an annual tax return by the prescribed due date for filing.

TAXITIS BLUES
(To traditional blues riff)

Verses
I’ve got a bad case of taxitis
My stomach’s tied up in a knot
The doctor says it’s not colitis
But a tax ailment that I’ve got
I haven’t filed my tax return
The worry is making my stomach churn

I could have filed for an extension
Just didn’t have the bucks to pay
Now to my wife I dare not mention
That I have missed tax filing day
She wouldn’t like that sort of news
She’d aggravate these mean tax blues

Bridge
Oh Well I’ve tried psychology
The doctors told me to confess
I’ve looked into biology
Learned my whole system is a mess
Need I explain taxology?
“Everyone’s scared to death,
Of the IRS”

Verse
I’ve got a bad case of taxitis
Worse than I’ve ever had before
It pains me more than tendonitis
Afraid of every knock at my door
Fearing it could be the tax collector
I can’t handle the stress anymore

Refrain
Feel like a criminal caught in the crime
Next year, I swear, to file on time

© 2013 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

PUT A BUCK IN YOUR POCKET, AND GIVE ONE TO UNCLE SAM

For those who’ve waited until the last minute to file, I repeat an old favorite based on an even older favorite salon song made famous by Frank Sinatra.

PUT A BUCK IN YOUR POCKET, AND GIVE ONE TO UNCLE SAM
(To the tune, “That’s One for My Baby, and One More For the Road,” by  Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer)

 Set ‘em up Steve
It’s April the fifteenth, tax filing eve
I’ve got the form here
I need a little booze to loosen the fear
For this line where it shows
How much one owes
Put me on edge, “damn”
You put a buck in your pocket,
And give one to Uncle Sam

Now don’t get me wrong
All my patriotic feelings run strong
That fervor feels nice
But wish that would feel it
For half of the price
It’s like you’d offer a meal
But not if you feel
They would hog the whole ham
You put a buck in your pocket
And give one to Uncle Sam

Where’s it all going?
The government keeps growing
It just grows and it grows
We keep on sowing
Without ever knowing
Where it all goes

Well that does it Steve
The post office is closing
So I’ve got to leave
Thanks for the cheer
I probably will see you
This time next year
That’s assuming that I’m
Not serving some time
If I get in a tax jam
Put a buck in my pocket
And give none to Uncle Sam.

You put a buck in your pocket
And good luck with Uncle Sam

 Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved

WHEN THE TAXMAN COMES ALONG

This post continues with the theme of the worry that accompanies filing tax returns in the U.S.

WHEN THE TAXMAN COMES ALONG
(To tune of, “The Man That Got Away,” by Harold Arlen and Ira Gershwin from 1954 movie “A Star is Born.)

Verses:
The tax man’s coming
He’s whistling and humming
In fear you shiver
He’ll send you up the river
It always happens
When the taxman comes along

No more that savior faire
That attitude, “Why care?”
Deductions from thin-air
Don’t belong

The tax preparer
Who was your secret-sharer,
Has all the papers
That document your capers
He’ll be the witness,
The one who gets you jailed

No more big-ego thrills
From lowering tax bills
Sly shelters from the fraud mills
Have all failed

Bridge:
Good lessons come hard
And the hardest one you’re learning
That fools keep the wheels
Of justice turning

Verse:
The trial is over
So ends a life in clover
You’re no short-termer
The sentence was much firmer
What cash you’d hidden
Bid good-bye, goes the song

 Since the first tax-law was passed
There’s been no one more aghast
Than a scared tax-cheater
When the taxman comes along

Lyric © 2013 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved.

IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE TAX TIME

IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE TAX TIME
(To tune of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” by Meredith Willson (1951))

Verses:
It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time
April of the year
You’ve been scouring your checkbook for,
Some charity checks and more
Taxes on the homestead you love dear

It’s beginning to feel lot like tax time
Must they ruin the spring?
Feel afraid of the debt you’ll owe,
Afraid Uncle Sam will know
That you have not reported everything

Bridge:
Deduct for the family trip, even the wine that you sip
Claiming everything that you spend or do or use
Driven miles on the family car, no matter to where or how far
Self-assessment clouds the mind like booze
But those who face an audit jam the pews

Verses:
It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time
Moral codes eschew
Whose to prevent you if,
You take off for a nifty skiff?
And sail away across the ocean blue

It’s beginning to feel a lot like tax time
Bribe your CPA
Stick a pin in a voodoo doll,
Take a loan from your uncle Sol
Then file your tax return and pray

Lyric © 2012, 2013  by Robert S. Steinberg
All rights reserved

WATCH THE TAX RETURN YOU FILE

As the deadline draws near for filing extended 2011 personal tax returns, I thought an admonition appropriate.

WATCH THE TAX RETURN YOU FILE
(To tune of “What a Difference a Day Made,” by Maria Mendes Grever and Stanley Adams, made famous by singer Dinah Washington)

Watch the tax return you file
Watch what you put inside it
You’ve earned income, don’t hide it
Report every line true
I’m warning you

Think that big windfall you’ll shelter?
That tax law’s helter-skelter?
Think again, you will swelter
In the heat of a jam
A tax exam

Will happen, then you
May find grief to your menu
Watch the tax return you file
Because, they’re watching you

 Lyric © 2012 by Robert S. Steinberg, Esquire
All rights reserved